I CRY!
No, you don't understand. I'm a C.R.I.E.R. Not only do I cry when I'm sad, tears fall at weddings, graduations, when I read sappy cards in the grocery store, when I have to say goodbye at the airport, watching chick-flicks, when I've had a bad day, when my husband tells me something extra sweet....the list goes on. I use "hormones" as an excuse to others, but I know the truth.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, and let me tell you, it's always wet! I've been a crier since I was very young. I have seen video of my second birthday. Everyone is singing "Happy Birthday" and there I am, crying in my highchair.
Why am I like this? If I could change one thing about myself, I think this would be it. As a child, it was OK. I was a child, and children cry. But as an adult, it's humiliating. I can't always stop that sensitivity from rearing its ugly head, and it does so at the most awkward times. Have YOU ever cried in a staff meeting at work? Have YOU ever been so angry with someone, that instead of the words coming out of your mouth, tears exploded instead? Have YOU responded with water works when your husband whispers sweet nothings in you ear?
I don't like being so sensitive. It makes me vulnerable. It makes me weak. It embarrasses me. I have Googled "Ways to stop crying", and this is what they tell me.
1. Deep breathing.
2. Bite your tongue.
3. Count in your head.
4. Look at the light.
5. Drink something.
6. Blink a few times.
7. Think happy thoughts.
8. Pinch the skin between your thumb and your forefinger...the list goes on.
I have tried numerous things (and some of them painful, I might add) to stop the water works, but to no avail. I CRY.
When I tell my husband of my insecurities he is so sweet. He tells me that's just who I am. I have a big heart. It's okay to cry. He just smiles and get me a tissue. I wish everyone was that understanding. Most of the time, others just look at me, not knowing what to do.
I've started avoiding certain situations such as sad movies at the theater (I wait until they come out on DVD), talking about my mother getting older, and so forth. But, there are times when I just can't avoid a situation. A co-worker announcing at a staff meeting that he will be leaving (WAA!), saying goodbye to my best friend at the airport after a wonderful vacation (WAA!), and other publicly humiliating moments.
Maybe I should try hypnotism. In the meantime, what's a girl to do, but cry.
“She didn't mind a little rain. At least no one would see her cry.”
