I've been with the same man for 20 years, and I have two sons who, at the moment, are both 25 years old. "Are they twins?" you might ask. "Nope." I see that look of confusion in your eyes just as I have many times before.
Whenever I would meet someone new, one of the primary questions would always surface, "Do you have children?" Each time I would respond, without hesitation, "Yes, I have two." Of course, the next innocent question would be, "How old are they?" and I would reply with their age and the comment, "They are 8 months apart." There's that look of confusion again. I would like to think that the furrowed brow is because they think I look way to young to have children that age, but I know that they are secretly trying to replay the words in their head to ensure they heard me correctly. I repeat... "Yes, eight months apart. You see, Anthony is from my first marriage and Dustin is from Darren's first marriage. I did not give birth to both. They are... Eight. Months. Apart."
I can count on one hand the times I used the word "stepson". Although it would make my response to the children question much more clear, I don't believe in it. At least, not in this case. Dustin has been a part of my life since he was five and Anthony was six. Yes...eight months apart. He was a wild boy, full of energy and enthusiasm, never skipping a beat, missing a conversation...or a meal. He and Anthony were very different kids. Anthony was quiet, creative, cuddly, and lived off of bean burritos (He kinda still does).
Life was interesting. Motherhood was (and is still) interesting. I did the best I knew how to raise two boys. Was it a challenge? Yes. Was there spanking? Yes. Was there love? Yes. Was it easy? No. Was there a day that went by that I wanted to be someone else? Never. I chose motherhood and the adventures it threw my way. Some of it I did alone as a single parent, and most of it was shared when I met Darren. There were days I felt like everything I did was wrong. I had people reminding me of that, destroying my confidence, but I know now that the sacrifices I made and the love that I shared made everything okay.
Both of my sons have families of their own,and I am so proud of the men that stand before me. I see now that even though there were self-doubts that I was "good at motherhood", something rubbed off over the years. Anthony and Dustin are both loving, caring humans, have chosen wonderful partners to spend their lives with, and are fantastic fathers. I count my blessings each day that Darren and I have raised two perfect sons.
"Motherhood is a choice you make everyday to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing,even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself over and over again for doing everything wrong." ~Donna Ball
